Eating Fish

I just discovered the coolest thing. Christians knew it far longer then we ‘non-believers’ did, and it is soooo cool. Did you know that if you deny a scientific principle is correct, it’s effects no longer apply to you? You didn’t? Yeah, neither did I, but it really works!

You see, most Christians have a problem that evolution says they are ‘monkeys’ or ‘animals’, and they don’t like that idea. It seems there is something immoral about animals or something. Anyway, what they do is deny evolution is true and they are suddenly no longer part of a long evolutionary process that had apes in there somewhere along the way (and a long time ago), and they are humans created by God. Yes, I know, I can’t tell the difference either, but they think it’s true. So, as one (amateur) with a somewhat scientific mind, I decided to experiment.

I walked into the backyard, threw my hands in the air and cried out to the clouds above me: “I am an evolutionist no longer! I now do not believe in evolution anymore!” And all of a sudden, my ancient ancestors were no longer very small mammals living in the age of the dinosaur, but were Adam and Eve. Of course, a single experiment is not sufficient to prove my extraordinary Theory of Scientific Denial, so I needed to take it further. At this time I only had a scientific theory that states science doesn’t exist (in religion these sort of logics are perfectly acceptable) and one successful experiment.

I went back inside, and thought up my next experiment while I drank a cup of coffee. Besides being an evolutionist (but not anymore) I was also a gravitationist; I believed in the theory of gravity. I put down my coffee, denounced the existence of gravity and it seized to have any effect on me. In stead, God watched over me and made sure I did not start to float about the place, and kept my feet firmly on the ground. A second successful experiment! Amazing!

Now that I was on a role, the third experiment came to me almost instantly; I quickly stated that I no longer believed in electro-magnetism, and the electricity running through my house no longer came from a power plant using scientific principles, but from God, who magically made all the lights in the house work.

“Eureka!” I cried out. “I have proven through the use of basic scientific experimentation that science does not exist! The Theory of Scientific Denial is true!” But then, all of a sudden everything went back to normal. Because I had used science to prove my theory and I had succeeded, I also proved that scientific principles do exist, therefore disproving my theory. God was no more.

So I huddled into a corner and cried.